My long drawn-out process to get a child to sleep on their own

This is my very long, drawn out but gentle method to get your child to sleep through the night. Don't do this with a little child - I'd not do it before 7-8 months and I've waited with some of my kids until they were over a year because of their individual needs. Before this, we did a combination of sleeping in a crib and co-sleeping (starting out in the crib then coming into my bed when they first woke after I fell asleep).

The first few nights when I started out, I'd nurse the baby but make sure that they did not nurse long enough to fall asleep. I'd keep the light on, read a book - make it not about falling asleep just yet. When they were done, I'd unlatch them, turn out the light, turn on the nightlight or fan or whatever else I had in the room (each child had a little different thing going on in their room), then rock them for a few minutes to get them settled down, then I'd put them in their crib awake. I'd stand over the crib and rub their back (or belly if they're still sleeping on their backs - my kids were big tummy sleepers once they could turn over) until they fell asleep. Please note - this will most likely result in needing major back work later in life but it's OK. Just deal for now. If the child really fusses a lot, I'll pick them up, rock them while standing over the crib then put them back. I might pick them up and put them back down 5 or more times that night but I want to communicate to them that we ARE going to sleep but I am here to comfort them if they need me. After about a week, this would result in me putting the baby to bed, rub their back and they will settle down shortly after without any crying or fussing.

Once we got through to that point, I'd change it up again. Now I'd do the same thing but only rub the child's back for about 3 minutes or so (short of them falling asleep), then stop rubbing and I'd just leave my hand there. This would usually result in them starting to fuss and if they did, I'd start rubbing their back again. It might even move all the way to crying in which case I'll pick up the baby if they need it, give them a nice little snuggle then put them back down, rub their back for a couple of minutes then stop. Eventually, after a few nights, I'll only need to put my hand on their back and they'll fall asleep OK.

The next step once they're sleeping with me just putting my hand on their back, then I begin with my hand on their back but I'll pull it off after a few minutes. This will usually result in a picked up head or fussing, so I'll put my hand on their back again, rub it then stop. I'll again take my hand off and stand next to the crib. The idea here is that I'm right there even if they don't feel my contact and I'll give them the contact if they need it. But soon enough, after some number of days, I'll be able to put them in the crib, rub their back for a second then just stand next to the crib and they'll fall asleep knowing I'm right there.

Moving on from there, the next step would be for me to sit in the rocking chair next to the crib. I'll get up and touch their back or pat it if needed, but I reassure them that I'm right there. Usually they'll be able to see me so they'd do OK after just a couple of nights.

Now the trick is to begin moving the chair towards the door every couple of nights. I'd sit in the chair a little away from the crib for a few nights, then I'd move it to the foot of the crib for a few nights, then I'd move it out of sight (I always put a blanket at the bottom of the crib so they couldn't see out the bottom). This usually created the biggest fuss but if I responded to them or even just spoke to them, they'd settle down soon enough. Every few days, the chair would be closer to the door. Soon, I'd be sitting in the hallway - ready to hop up if the child called out and needed me.

Once you get to the point where the child can get to sleep with you out of sight but within speaking distance, you can take a baby monitor with you and go about your business but stick nearby to be able to get in there if they call so that they don't think that you're "gone". I had many nights ripping down the hallway to get to them before they called out too much so that they'd think I was right there. LOL Pretty soon, they're not calling out or crying for you and they're sleeping well.

If at any time during this whole drawn out process, your child gets to really fussing or crying, by all means, pick them up and snuggle with them. They NEED to know that you're there and you're not stuck on a "method" but that you'll comfort them when they need you.

Now, as this is going on, it's your choice what you want to do for the middle of the night feedings. I'd keep them a step or two behind your bedtime method so that they learn how to deal with it at night too. I'd still get up to nurse (they still need that comfort and food at night until they're over a year old atleast, IMO), but as soon as they're done, get them back to bed. I know this is hard when it's your 4th and last child and you want to savor all the little snuggles you can and that's OK. I found, though, that once they were getting to sleep on their own at bedtime, it was easier for them to settle at night too AND I began finding that they woke at night less and less because they knew how to settle down on their own - knowing that you're just a cry away.

My littlest one is now 5 and the next one up is 7 (then the older ones are 15 and almost 18). I still will get up with either one of them at just the call of my name because I want them to know that I'm there for them when they need me - whether it's a perceived need or a real need. They need to be comfortable knowing that their parent is there to help them and meet their needs - and this will teach them that they can also count on their heavenly Father when they cry out to Him. I really think that we teach our children about God in how we treat them and respond to them and this is just one way that we can show them that God answers their needs - even the little ones. It's a long process that can take many weeks but in the end, you will have a child who's most likely not fearful and has confidence in themselves and those who love them.

My adoption testimony

In January, a friend of mine was dedicating her newly adopted daughter and our senior pastor asked if I would give my adoption testimony. I spoke during the first service and a number of people asked if we recorded it and we hadn't, so it was decided to record it during the second service. Here it is if you'd like to listen to it. Just click on the triangular play button on the little player below.



I pray that God blesses you through my testimony.